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Why Do Australia's Cities Hate Each Other?

August 31st 2006 23:30
Australian cities are lovely things but like all lovely things they seem to be in constant competition with each other.

The brash, beautiful Sydney is in a constant rivalry with the self-declared "cultural capital" Melbourne. To clarify, Sydney is the OUTDOOR city with the stunning sights and weather while Melbourne is the INDOOR city with the shops and... trams. They reckon we're arrogant and classless while we think they're snotty and boring.

The other cities aren't rivals, Sydney and Melbourne's opinion of Queensland is about the same - that they're massive bogans who are fitted for thongs right after the cord drops.


Queensland is too easy going to care about the other cities.

Darwin, Perth and Adelaide don't have much of a discernable character. I'd say Adelaide is like a weaker Melbourne while Perth is a step to the diagonal left of Sydney.

Darwin is... Niwrad backwards.

And EVERY CITY reckons Canberra is where beige goes to die since it's so dull. Then EVERY CITY thinks Hobart is the land the four-fingered people snicker at.

This very organised and scientific map helps explained the connections of dispute.

Very Technical Map


Further explained by what I imagine a chat-room would look like if the capital cities were internautes.

QUEENSLAND ENTERS ROOM: CAP CITIES
Brisbane: Hey guys! Let's go to the BEACH!!
Sydney: Cool, sounds like awesome fun! Let's go!
Canberra: I don't know, without an itinerary? Let's stand perfectly still for three hours instead

Melbourne: I'll utilise my cellular mobile to verify the weather forecast first
Hobart: Beeches have sande
Sydney: Cmon you guys, the weather is STUNNING there's an electricity in the air it's like POW!!!
Melbourne: I'm inclined to be in agreeance with what connotes your expression of enthusiasm.
Brisbane: Let's grab a beer while we're at it!
Canberra: Beer? OMG are you serious? I prefer flat soda water
Hobart: Pplz drink beer cuz they gets drunk lmaoz
USER CANBERRA TIMES OUT

Then aside from our capital city rival, we have the suburbs of Sydney feuding (Eastern Suburbs vs. Western vs Nothern) as well as the universities (USyd vs. UNSW).

I'm not sure why we feud amongst ourselves so much, I'm sure it's just jealousy... of everyone else towards Sydney. At least we can all agree (Canberra included) that Canberra's as flat as it is flat physically.

What do you think feuls the fire of our family feud? Add a comment...
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Comments
10 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Grant

September 1st 2006 00:40
Because if it's not a sport, we'll make it a sport.

Therefore 'my city is better than your city' can become a really good sport and because Melbourne and Sydney have the biggest populations they have more players and therfore play the game a lot more often than the rest of us.

That's what I think anyways...

Comment by Cibbuano

September 1st 2006 00:57
love the chat room... I could read a lot more of that!


Comment by Ruth

September 1st 2006 02:01
It exists in every country. The good thing is that Australians take it light heartedly. Other cultures can get fiercely serious about their turf. I supoose its human nature to be proud of your roots amd what's familiar.

I think the university rivalry is the most volatile. I remember some of the antics UNSW students got upto on Foundation Day witih weed killer and Sydney's pristine imported lawns.

Comment by Grant

September 1st 2006 03:24
Sounds like our high school Muck Up day. We got a batman sign and a rude message. What did Sydneys lawns get?

Comment by Ruth

September 1st 2006 04:13
I forgot what was scrawed into the lawn. I just remember that it was huge and apparently this lawn was fucking expensive and imported. Furthermore, the weed killer was supposed to have poisoned the earth so fixing the problem wasn't a matter of replacing the grass. The whole top soil would need to be replaced.

It all occured before my time. Undoubtedly the tale has been embelished over the years.

Comment by Anonymous

September 2nd 2006 05:39
I always thought it was USyd vs UTS.

Comment by Anonymous

September 3rd 2006 12:13
As a Melbournian I LOVE Sydney. One day I hope to move there. And even though Melbourne will always be my home, having lived here my whole life, GOD I find it boring.

Comment by Elizabeth

September 4th 2006 04:50
Queensland is a cultural wasteland, I'm allowed to say that as i live here.

Personally, as having been born and mostly raised in perth, but having lived everywhere but darwin and canberra (who'd want to go there anyway), I'm a perth gal through and through. The distance between it and every other city in the world has forced it to develope its own personality and culture. A laid back queensland mixed with the social cafe scene of melbourne, and the fun, party atmosphere of sydney. Where does it go wrong?

Comment by some usyd girl

September 6th 2006 07:47
Nah it's definitely USYD vs UNSW. UTS is just....there....


Actually it's every uni vs USYD... we're the best! hehehehehehehehehe

Comment by postmoderncritic

September 14th 2006 11:14
Competition is a natural instinct. )

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