Merry Premature-Christmas Sydney!!!
September 19th 2006 23:58
There I was in Myer in the city this morning - spending my drug-laundering money on some supplementary texts for my Shakespeare essay...
then I saw red. Something disturbing crossed my eyesight. Something so absolutely revolting it made Bambi himself vomit with the fury of an Algerian summer.
Christmas things already? TOO EARLY! The only fat bearded man I want to see on a book in September is Hughie.
The cliché is true, The Christmas Beast decoifs its red panda scarf further and further away from December every year. They may as well not even pack up the tinsel, just reattach extensions. Not to mention Christmas in July was just yesterday.
Maybe it was inevitable to correlate with the early arrival of Summer. As Myer is the epicentre of civilisation, it will only reverberate outwards from here. It starts on one shelf in mid-September, by early October there'll be cardboard displays of the seasonally inappropriate. Mid-October should reveal glimpses of tinsel and the Christmas trees will be out and sweating under the blazing November sun.
I propose a "Christmas in December: Delay the Sleigh" rally. We'll all meet at QVB and march down the street with violently graphic cartoons of Santa etc. I'm sure our message won't be misinterpreted at all. Then we'll have some good ol'fashioned 1940s book burnings and the night will glow with burning green tinsel.
Conversely, we can get out the permanent marker and censor all Xmas books so that "Reindeer" looks like "Roindoor" and "Christmas" looks like "Chansmat" and just have a jolly old illiiterate time.
Ok, my 3D glasses are off now so things are in perspective again. It's not so bad, Christmas is a happy time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and i'm probably just envious that my birthday doesn't stretch out for four months and across two seasons.
Christmas too soon? Or not soon enough? Add a comment...
then I saw red. Something disturbing crossed my eyesight. Something so absolutely revolting it made Bambi himself vomit with the fury of an Algerian summer.
Too soon!
Christmas things already? TOO EARLY! The only fat bearded man I want to see on a book in September is Hughie.
The cliché is true, The Christmas Beast decoifs its red panda scarf further and further away from December every year. They may as well not even pack up the tinsel, just reattach extensions. Not to mention Christmas in July was just yesterday.
Maybe it was inevitable to correlate with the early arrival of Summer. As Myer is the epicentre of civilisation, it will only reverberate outwards from here. It starts on one shelf in mid-September, by early October there'll be cardboard displays of the seasonally inappropriate. Mid-October should reveal glimpses of tinsel and the Christmas trees will be out and sweating under the blazing November sun.
I propose a "Christmas in December: Delay the Sleigh" rally. We'll all meet at QVB and march down the street with violently graphic cartoons of Santa etc. I'm sure our message won't be misinterpreted at all. Then we'll have some good ol'fashioned 1940s book burnings and the night will glow with burning green tinsel.
Conversely, we can get out the permanent marker and censor all Xmas books so that "Reindeer" looks like "Roindoor" and "Christmas" looks like "Chansmat" and just have a jolly old illiiterate time.
Ok, my 3D glasses are off now so things are in perspective again. It's not so bad, Christmas is a happy time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and i'm probably just envious that my birthday doesn't stretch out for four months and across two seasons.
Christmas too soon? Or not soon enough? Add a comment...
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Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by John
We set up Christmas for the week ending with Fathers' Day, which officially meant we began in the last week of August. I then began signing Xmas carols. Which lead to me getting Six White Boomers stuck in me head for a week. Which meant I got funny looks as I hummed on the train. Which made me insecure. Which has resulted in me not leaving the house since. Which means I have lost all my friends and have no money. Which means I was kicked out of my house.
So, I'm homeless because of Xmas.
*Some parts of this story may have been fabricated under artistic licence*
Comment by Jazz
Comment by frodo
yeah, and no sooner is Christmas over than the easter eggs start rolling down the supermarket aisles.
If I hear Bing Crosby singing I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas anymore this year, I'm going to explode...and it wont be pretty.
Comment by Anonymous