4:00pm - Wynyard Station. The 3:42pm Western Line train rolls in with a clang and an exasperated "finally". Dressed in formal attire, branching notebooks, discussing business mergers on mobiles - the multicultural rainbow of Sydney approaches the doors.

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Then FIGHT - the jousting begins. Everyo ne getting off the train must scrum against everyone getting on. The number players on each side depends randomly on 1) the amount of people inside the carriage and 2) the position of the doors whether it's a 6 car train or an 8 car train. The unfortunate example below, we see 31 vs. 1.

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Unfortunately, he loses and he must return to the train, hold a caucus in the carriage and summon up enough morale so his team defeats the next station.

At least, this must be an explanation for why we form human walls in front of train doors. We must assume we become impermeable entities that can be walked though when the Tangara separates its mandibles. I recommend that Cityrail installs bouncers and a velvet rope in front of each door. The rebellious will be tazed.

Do you enjoy Sydney train scrumming? Are you a perpetrator or a victim? Add a comment...